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I don’t want to say too much about this situation, because it goes deeper than what I’m sharing here and it is quite recent, but let’s just say this one had an international twist. Of course, I was totally gracious about the situation, and backed quietly into the shadows so that he could continue to live out his life. Take it from me, though: write your message, then delete half of it, then wait a day, then show it to your most hard-nosed friend, then wait another day, and then if you still want to send it, go ahead.

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When someone ghosts, they’re making it very easy for you to see that they’re definitely not the person for you, and that you’re much better off without them. It’s just happened to me with a guy I’d chatted on line to every day for a year. I don’t want a wishy washy wimp, i want a real man who is capable of loving and comitting to me. I fundamentally don’t understand how a person can even do it–I would feel so shitty just ignoring someone else. ) Yes, sending that text is hard, but it makes it so much easier in the long run – you don’t leave the other person hanging, and you’re not left with any weird guilt.

As soon as you realise this, you have room in your life for so many other fun things: new partners, sure, but also a new freedom to do whatever the hell you want to do… I’m pretty good at reading people and I totally missed it. The last message was him asking me what I had planned for the weekend. I have sent the “I’m sorry, you’re very nice, but I don’t see a future..” text and yes it’s hard, but in the long run its so, so much better. : ) (also reading this en route home from my amazing solo international holiday! I’m sorry that you had to deal with someone similar recently…

And then, the day before, I texted him to confirm what time we were meeting. That seemed a bit strange, but I tried not to let it bother me until the next day. It essentially means to just disappear on someone, leaving them hanging. *** The second time I was ghosted, I didn’t understand why the guy ended up being such an asshole. A few days later I wrote him a text saying I had expected more of him, and that I wished he hadn’t been such a coward.

By lunchtime – I would assume we were meeting only a few hours later – I texted again. This can occur in many ways – the good old-fashioned “he stood me up” bit – but nowadays tends to occur when someone simply cuts communication altogether. And it happens a hell of a lot more frequently than I first realised. I realised how prevalent ghosting had become when I told my friend about a guy who dumped me over a drink last year, and her first words were, “Aw, he actually broke up with you in person? I met Mark in a crowded bar over thumping dance music and too many pints. I mean, at least have the guts to send a quick text saying it’s over… *** And that’s what gets me the most about ghosting.

If he can’t even muster up the courage to write me two lines of text, what other emotional baggage am I going to have to deal with later on? Then I fought for myself a bit, having nothing to really lose, and we are gonna meet up this weekend, but my opinion of him is changed and I’m thinking about what to ask him more from an anthropological perspective. I have never heard of this, and definitely didn’t know there was a name for it and everything.

Ghosting is a huge indicator of both immaturity and instability. Maybe we both dodged a bullet as they say I too am 53 so i ain’t some kid. I too am glad that he has shown how immature and damn right selfish he is. What is that Maya Angelou quote – “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Hmmm, I understand how you’re feeling, Genna, I’d feel the same way. I even used it when the international man did something really horrible to me a few months ago, but I didn’t listen to the advice and gave him a second chance. I am sorry to hear about these stories, but like you say…it shows they shouldn’t be there anyway and you feel free and open for so many new things!! Yay for being one of the 4 guys who read your blog haha Why is this the way of things these days?

And honestly, at this point in my life, anyone who has this lack of emotional depth and a lack of basic courtesy is just holding up the line. It would be awesome to find a fun, adventurous partner, but I’m not going to sit around waiting for a phone call or text when there’s so much more of life to explore. We are both late 40’s and I also thought this kind of behaviour was a younger folk thing. I have been with my bf for 3 years (he is 37) after returning from a wedding last week, he rang me after he’d been drinking, and to cut a long story short he was nasty and put the phone down on me. Has ended things randomly over the last few years, but we managed a full year without a hitch. I especially liked the part where you put a photo of horses up. Before sending my ghoster a long text I did a google search & read your article. I’ve never been truly ghosted, I suppose (though I’ve had weeks of no contact with one particular reoccurring idiot who I swore off for good a few weeks ago) but I feel like it’s become so commonplace which also makes no sense because we’re all more connected than ever these days.

So ladies (and the four gentlemen who read this blog), take heart: ghosting is real, yes, and it is shitty, but it doesn’t mean you should lose any self-respect, nor does it mean you should lose faith in dating. So I sent one more for closure a week later, more for myself really and not for him, saying ghosting someone is a really mean thing to do and I was offended he thought I wasn’t worth the effort of him just typing the word goodbye. I have no intention of ever rekindling things with him. Thank you for sharing and taking the time to write this. I ain’t afraid of no ghost and won’t be sending my long text. I agree with everything you wrote, especially that it’s the coward’s way out.

The first time I was ghosted, I didn’t understand what I had done wrong.

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